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Ivan Advice

Style Tips!

Follow these simple steps and YOU could be a rockstar like Ivan!

#1 Sunglasses .  You have to have sunglasses.  It's essential.  Big ones are cool but huge ones are even bigger.  Don't get reflective ones or people will spend more time checking their own reflection than looking at you.  It defeats the whole purpose of being a rockstar if people stop thinking about you and start thinking about their own lives.

#2 Shirt .  Wear buttons so you can undo the top two buttons and show off your chest hair.  Models love that.  Bright colours are good - but not hot pink!  Rockstars don't wear hot pink, at least not good ones.  Purple in a pinch but never hot pink.
 
#3 Pants .  Whatever man. Jeans, slacks, pre-ripped, bleached, it's all the same.  You'd look stupid without them but pants are overrated. 

#4 Jacket .  Optional.  Leather is OK, velvet is better and fake fur is best - you know that stuff that looks like muppet fluff – it's so hot right now.

#5 Accessories.   Almost as important as sunglasses.  Feather boas, studded belts, and gold medallions all add a touch of class.

#6 Hair pt1. Long, short, spiky, floppy, bald, dreadlocks, Mohawk, it doesn't really matter as long as you don't perm it! Rock stars don't get perms! Only girly girls perm their hair and no rockstar should be a girly girl even if you are a girl.

#7 Hair pt2. Dying or bleaching your hair is usually OK. Good old "I'm-really-depressed-right-now" black is of course a rock classic. But there is one type of dying that hopeful rockstars should definitely avoid: streaking. It is amazing how easy it is to go from rockstar to pansy with streaking. One day you're a guitar hero respected and envied around the world, the next day (after the streaking that is) you're a fluffy-boyband-squealing-wannabe-wimp. Very sad. (Please note that this doesn't really apply to chick-rockstars. They can kind-of get away with it.)

#8 Gold Medallions. Yeah man, they look great but be careful jumping around on stage with them because when the gold chain get stuck in your chest hair and yanks some out it really hurts.

#9 Leopard Skin Tights. Wrong. Wrong. Wrong.

Ivan's Weekly Haiku

burning solo time
expectant crowd crescendo
crud I dropped my pick